How are you feeling?
People are showing either disproportionally apathetic or extreme reactions to this. The severity of the pandemic is undeniable, but where was the panic over climate change? Or the outrage and sadness over Syrian children freezing to death in refugee camps?
Every day babies are born, people get cancer; there's still domestic abuse, systemic racism, animal abuse, deforestation, Indigenous lands being forcefully seized for natural resource extraction, abortion bans are being passed—the world still turns.
All while I sit here and feel sorry for myself like a damn coward.
unmotivated and then feel guilty for being unmotivated
I feel anxious and stressed out and grateful and privileged and guilty and exhausted.
I keep thinking that how I'm feeling should indicate something negative about me, but I just feel happy. It's as if the rest of the world has come down to my usual level of chaos and uncertainty. Now that everyone is here, I feel like a champ because I'm so used to facing ambiguity, worry, and stress on a daily basis. This seems like my opportunity to finally get ahead and pull myself out of a cycle of only just surviving.
I just want to be able to help.
Pregnant and scared of the unknown surrounding the birth...will my husband be allowed as a support person? My midwife? My newborn won't be able to meet family. Although it will be lonely, I'm just hoping for everyone to be healthy and safe.
Thankful my little family can be safe and work from home. Annoyed people say they're bored at home...they should feel lucky they're not a frontline worker and get to stay safe at home.
My toddlers are thriving more than ever in the calm stability of having 2 parents at home. They seem stress free. They are protected from the anxiety that is creeping in on me through my phone and grocery store interactions.
Relieved. I am grateful that my grandmother passed away last summer. I am happy thinking that she does not have to worry about this or experience the loneliness many of us face. I still miss her quite a bit, and treasure having had her in my life. I am grateful she passed during a time when we could all travel to be by her side before she died, and gather again for her funeral. It is a relief to have one less person to worry about.
At first I was enjoying the down time because I find life is running so fast. Now I am missing friends and worried about money and my health.
Slightly guilty, I think the human race is evolving to destroy itself. To see that this is coming true is slightly optimistic and validating to me. If I did not have family and friends that I care deeply about, then I would be sitting back watching it unfold with a sense of "I told you so". I fear for the planet and I fear for the animals that depend on us. We are but a blip in time in the evolution of this planet. At least that is what I keep telling myself when the sadness and anxiety gets so overwhelming.
Tired. Going on week four of the longest flu I have endured yet. The emotions have been a rollercoaster.
Feeling the grief. Death knocking on the worlds door. Our systems exposed in all their weaknesses.
Choosing to focus on the beauty. Watching the cracks emerge. That light we crave, the goodness, the kindness, the connection.
I have hope for change. The transition we have been longing for. But sitting with the grief for now. The sacrifice being made, the darkness we must endure. Fuck. It’s heavy.
Yesterday I finally had enough energy to make it to the forest from my bed. I cried. To smell the sweetness of the damp earth. To be comforted by its presence.
Everything is slow. Listening to a lot of Radiohead.
So mad that the guy I was seeing broke it off with right as this all was starting. He said it was due to stress about COVID but his actions leading up to and since don’t align. Why did he have to make this harder? I want to let go.
Guiltily thankful that things are this way. I’m a lucky small portion where this doesn’t affect me financially at all and I’m in a safe , large property place. For me , this has turned into the reason to slow down and do all the things I’ve been meaning to. It’s give me a perspective on how to be content where I am. I haven’t been personally affected beyond my friends having struggles now, hence the guilty satisfaction.
I am actually so happy to be stuck at home with my family-I'd been wishing for some miracle to keep us at home for weeks before this happened
I feel relieved to have a break from routine, but I feel guilty because I know the disruption from normal comes at the expense of other people's lives.
I have very very minor symptoms, and am worried I may have covid. But I'm still going to work, because I just came off four weeks of unemployment, and really need the money to pay my bills. I do not ever interact with anyone at work, so I'm a low risk of passing it on if I have it, but it's still worrisome, and I'm frustrated that testing isn't available. I also feel I have a duty to work while I can, to provide money for EI for the million who need it. I'm frustrated that not all businesses are enforcing social distancing. I'm worried about my relative who works as a nurse in the emergency room, and relatives and friends who live in the US, Spain, and India.
Feeling like I can't breathe.
With Covid, I'm working outside the home, with longer hours than before. On top of that, all the restaurants, even take-out, have closed in my town, so I am forced to make everything I eat from scratch at home. I'm limiting my grocery store visits to once a week. Last night after an 11 hour shift, I spent an hour preparing lunch for today from scraps left in my fridge. It turned into chickpea salad sandwiches, soup that I'd pre-made and frozen, and a few boiled eggs. For people who are taking on more of a work burden, we are not able to access the conveniences that normally support over-worked people, such as buying coffee and a sandwich at the local cafe
Sad. Tired. Trying to be positive, but it’s hard to be when I remember that this is probably just the beginning of a long season of distance from people I love.
I think this is a very sensitive time in human existence. For some this is a time of fear, for some this is a time to slow down and isolate, for some this is incredibly stressful for financial reasons, I am sure a time for all of those for some and none for others. Differing stories from various sources, differing stories from different medical professionals, truly a time of wild uncertainty. I do not feel comfortable speaking on things that I have not experienced so let me think about the things I have seen as an introverted curious observer of humans (look for my upcoming book, “The Complete Human Being (concise edition)” it will only be four pages long, and one may just be a drawing). COVID_19. Coronavirus. I have seen people taking it as a joke. I have seen worried, stressed people. I have seen angry people. I have seen people using caution and being respectful of others around them. I have seen the awkward dance of two strangers in the supermarket trying to practice social distancing. I have seen a genuine thirst for real life connection. I have seen people reaching out to those who are important to them. I have seen humans in so many walks, in so many ways and what I choose to embrace from this lesson is that there is hope for humanity. I say this at risk of being labeled a political speaker. I am choosing to invest in more respect between humans and the message I keep hearing people say, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” Small Gains.
So many people seem to be feeling sorry for themselves while staying safe and secure in their homes with a large food supply. They don't know real struggle and should shut the fuck up. Also, so much focus is on businesses and the economy. How is this even possible? We deserve to be completely disrupted and for life to change as we know it. It's nature's turn.